Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Bush Impressed by Iraqi Call-up of A-10 Warthogs
After an initial rout of American-trained, multi-billion dollar-backed Iraqi forces by wholly insane, Najafian apocalyptics who shared a group vision of joining Pastor John Hagee's end-of-the-world crusade, President George Bush, an ironic devotee of Hagee's delphic Doomsday deliveries declared that, "The Iraqis are beginning to show me something" after Iraqi forces ran away to hide while calling in Warthog 30 mm Gatling guns to stifle the holy belligerents.
Overall, an impressive show of pressing through political ends by miltary means. Very impressive, Mr. Bush. Although, it must be hard to staff and train a competent Iraqi army when anyone worthwhile for your cause has either been killed or run out of the country.
Overall, an impressive show of pressing through political ends by miltary means. Very impressive, Mr. Bush. Although, it must be hard to staff and train a competent Iraqi army when anyone worthwhile for your cause has either been killed or run out of the country.
Labels: Bush, Iraq, religious right, Round Heads
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Abusing Churchill
One of America's leading jingoists and right wing talk show host for SRN/Townhall.com, Hugh Hewitt, is in all of his misread historical finery this Christmas season of peace as he shills for more of Bush's Iraqi slaughter fest with a weak attempt at comparing the Iraq Study Group's report with the appeasement stance of the Allies prior to Germany's invasion of Poland. Hewitt calls the Baker Commission's report "the appeasement report" and claims that by taking up its recommendations, the spectre of Neville Chamberlain will forever hang over D.C.
Hewitt, who's quickly classing himself into the elites of American right wing gangster intellectualism, unfortunately utilizes backward facts in his quest to reach out to his jingoistic listenership, an audience that's keenly tuned and inured to his monotonic, militaristic drumbeat. So, let's take a peak at Hewitt's highly diffracted view of world history and how he relates it to the Middle East.
At the time of the Munich Conference in 1938, Hitler hadn't invaded any territory with force of arms. The Rhineland 'reoccupation' in 1936 was pulled off without shots being fired. At present, the United States has been the occupier of Iraq for over three years, with many shots fired before the supposed "appeasement" stance of the Baker Commission. It's difficult to conclude that an occupier can magically turn appeaser, Mr. Hewitt.
Hitler's military-industrial war machine was going full steam by 1938, and with it, was taking a threatening posture toward its neighbors to the east along the Danzig Corridor and the Sudetenland. In 2006, not only has Bush threatened non-neighbors, but has wrought full-scale war against them based on trumped-up intelligence that fit his purpose. Only this time the threatened aren't looking to appease Mr. Bush too soon even though they don't have the military-industrial machine that Bush currently implements against them without avail. Sorry Hughie, you're wrong on this point too.
However, there's one similarity of today's situation in the Middle East compared with Eastern Europe prior to Poland's invasion by Germany. That is, Germany's use of plebiscites in Austria and the Sudetenland to set up rump roasting governments. My guess is that Iraq's government is nigh charred at this point, with appeasements to Bush by those people nary impossible at this juncture.
Hey Hewitt, the attacker can't be the appeaser, ya pencil-necked blockhead.
Hewitt, who's quickly classing himself into the elites of American right wing gangster intellectualism, unfortunately utilizes backward facts in his quest to reach out to his jingoistic listenership, an audience that's keenly tuned and inured to his monotonic, militaristic drumbeat. So, let's take a peak at Hewitt's highly diffracted view of world history and how he relates it to the Middle East.
At the time of the Munich Conference in 1938, Hitler hadn't invaded any territory with force of arms. The Rhineland 'reoccupation' in 1936 was pulled off without shots being fired. At present, the United States has been the occupier of Iraq for over three years, with many shots fired before the supposed "appeasement" stance of the Baker Commission. It's difficult to conclude that an occupier can magically turn appeaser, Mr. Hewitt.
Hitler's military-industrial war machine was going full steam by 1938, and with it, was taking a threatening posture toward its neighbors to the east along the Danzig Corridor and the Sudetenland. In 2006, not only has Bush threatened non-neighbors, but has wrought full-scale war against them based on trumped-up intelligence that fit his purpose. Only this time the threatened aren't looking to appease Mr. Bush too soon even though they don't have the military-industrial machine that Bush currently implements against them without avail. Sorry Hughie, you're wrong on this point too.
However, there's one similarity of today's situation in the Middle East compared with Eastern Europe prior to Poland's invasion by Germany. That is, Germany's use of plebiscites in Austria and the Sudetenland to set up rump roasting governments. My guess is that Iraq's government is nigh charred at this point, with appeasements to Bush by those people nary impossible at this juncture.
Hey Hewitt, the attacker can't be the appeaser, ya pencil-necked blockhead.
Labels: religious right, right wing, Round Heads
First Haggard, Now Barnes. When Phelps?
Given all of the Sunday outings for America's growing membership of anti-gay 'pastors of notoriety' turned gay, when will nanochurch leader Fred Phelps finally come to terms that he's the biggest faggot of them all?
Labels: religious right
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Talkin' in Tongues: A Primer From 'Abe's Sunday Chats'
True to Abe's early pedagogic experience at the school of blab, Abe Linkum proudly presents his first catechismal attempt at unveiling the glosso-charismatic phenomena emanating today from megachurches off of select megahighway interchanges. By taking this short blab course, you will gain some degree of understanding these uniglottarians as they babble their way to salvation. Join us, would you?Now, loudly repeat the instructed phrases in sequence, over and over, as your answer:
'Shylock-alock-alock-alock-alock. Shylock-alock-alock.'
'Shimi-di-dy-ah, shimi-day. Shamalama din-din, shamalama lay.'
'Shibboleth and I don't care..., my master's gone away!'
'Sha-na-na-na. Hey master, goodbye. Na-na-na-na-na-na.'
'Son-alot-a-bitchin, de-bitch's-back, alock.'
'She-bat, she-bat, a-lang, a-lang, a-lang.'
'Dub-a-dub-a, dub-a-doo-doo, dub-a doo-dah day.'
Repeat.
Stay tuned on any given Sunday where our next pentacostalic primer may get posted.
Labels: religious right, Televangelism, tribalism
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Evangel Asks Question. Act Seen as Breakthrough!
A breakthrough? Look at what happened with Rev. Joel Hunter when he asked two questions to the 'Christian Coalition'.
The Christian Coalition: "Where our flat earth becomes linear."
The Christian Coalition: "Where our flat earth becomes linear."
Labels: religious right, Round Heads
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Jesus' Whore and Her Two Pimps
"Blessed be the Lord who daily loads us with benefits." (Psalm 68:19)
... and for the small fee of only $68.19 each month, 'prosperity minister' and 'church' offerings whore, Paula White, gladly accepts cash, which she describes as "seed" money -- ceding from you to her -- so she and christian pimp broadcasters Trinity and Daystar Networks can lay their hands on it to provide the mustard for their mansion's cupboards. You, the offerer, get dust from excavations of their new constructions.
Paula, while waiting to get wet with some guy named "John".
They call her 'Dr. Paula'. Paula has the moxie to request from the flocked $68.19/month to the cent, apparently for personal transcendentals such as two new closets for her high heels and handbags. Paula's trailer trash and has a PhD in flim-flam from The Calvary School of Pharisaicology. She easily plies her street-walking sense of personal pecuniary salvation by luring and taking for the fullest what are either desperate, greedy, stupid or desperately greedy and stupid people hoping and praying for financial manna by ceding the $68.19/month toward her heavenly rewards instead of their own IRAs.
Her presentation is all very dramatic and sexy as one would expect. She sashays into the parlor's studio providing just 270 odd phones to call in and fulfill Psalm $68.19's new seediness, with the "us" in that tune being them. Then, Paula runs a tele-tally of phones still available to help lead the soon-to-be shorn toward her rapture. Her siren moves in inverse crescendo to the changing numbers on the screen, culminating with the final score: Phones left for salvation, zero, callers coughing up credit, 270. This tacky trick serves as her bastardly altar call altered into a call for the offering instead of ministry.
The ministered and serviced? They get her grubby hands laid onto a pile of papers representing the expected manna grab, and a solicitation for more to come. A stele-ing of her girders, if you will.
From this side of reason, it all looks like a mix of phone sex and phylactories. Get me Jesus on the line, for Christ sake!
... and for the small fee of only $68.19 each month, 'prosperity minister' and 'church' offerings whore, Paula White, gladly accepts cash, which she describes as "seed" money -- ceding from you to her -- so she and christian pimp broadcasters Trinity and Daystar Networks can lay their hands on it to provide the mustard for their mansion's cupboards. You, the offerer, get dust from excavations of their new constructions.
Paula, while waiting to get wet with some guy named "John".They call her 'Dr. Paula'. Paula has the moxie to request from the flocked $68.19/month to the cent, apparently for personal transcendentals such as two new closets for her high heels and handbags. Paula's trailer trash and has a PhD in flim-flam from The Calvary School of Pharisaicology. She easily plies her street-walking sense of personal pecuniary salvation by luring and taking for the fullest what are either desperate, greedy, stupid or desperately greedy and stupid people hoping and praying for financial manna by ceding the $68.19/month toward her heavenly rewards instead of their own IRAs.
Her presentation is all very dramatic and sexy as one would expect. She sashays into the parlor's studio providing just 270 odd phones to call in and fulfill Psalm $68.19's new seediness, with the "us" in that tune being them. Then, Paula runs a tele-tally of phones still available to help lead the soon-to-be shorn toward her rapture. Her siren moves in inverse crescendo to the changing numbers on the screen, culminating with the final score: Phones left for salvation, zero, callers coughing up credit, 270. This tacky trick serves as her bastardly altar call altered into a call for the offering instead of ministry.
The ministered and serviced? They get her grubby hands laid onto a pile of papers representing the expected manna grab, and a solicitation for more to come. A stele-ing of her girders, if you will.
From this side of reason, it all looks like a mix of phone sex and phylactories. Get me Jesus on the line, for Christ sake!
Labels: religious right, Televangelism, whoredom
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Abe Linkum's Quotes of the Week, #1
Chicago minister to Abraham Lincoln: "What you have said to us, Mr. President, compels me to say to you in reply, that it is a message to you from our Divine Master, through me, commanding you, sir, to open the doors of bondage that the slave may be free."
Lincoln to minister: "That may be, sir, for I have studied this question by night and by day, for weeks and for months. But if it is as you say, a message from your Divine Master, is it not odd that the only channel he could send it by was the roundabout route by way of that awful wicked city of Chicago?"
Lincoln to minister: "That may be, sir, for I have studied this question by night and by day, for weeks and for months. But if it is as you say, a message from your Divine Master, is it not odd that the only channel he could send it by was the roundabout route by way of that awful wicked city of Chicago?"
*******
Lincoln, to a Quaker woman with similar visions: "I have neither the time nor disposition to enter into a discussion with the Friend, and end this occasion by suggesting for her consideration the question whether, if it be true that the Lord has appointed me to do the work she has indicated, it is not probable he would have communicated knowledge of the fact to me as well as to her?"
Labels: Lincoln, quotes, religious right
Friday, November 03, 2006
The Answer to George Bush's Eye-plank Growth Problem
On Tuesday, Abe Linkum presented a problem for readers to solve that calculates the growth rate of the plank in George Bush's eye as the religious right closes in on Ground Zero. Since nobody came up with the correct answer, no one receives the autographed picture of Abe.
Here is the answer key along with the original schematic --
Using the Pythagorean Theorem and differentiating with respect to time:
w^2 + p^2 = b^2 = 400
2w(dw/dt) + 2p(dp/dt) = 0
w(dw/dt) + p(dp/dt) = 0
Now, solve for 'dp/dt' given that dw/dt = -30 ft/s, w = 1 and p = sq.root of 399 by the Pythagorean Theorem:
1(-30) + (sq.root of 399)(dp/dt) = 0
So, dp/dt = 30/(sq.root of 399) or approximately 1.5 ft/s. That means that the plank in George Bush's eye is growing at this rate when the religious right is 1 ft. away from George Bush's vision.
Here is the answer key along with the original schematic --
Using the Pythagorean Theorem and differentiating with respect to time:
w^2 + p^2 = b^2 = 400
2w(dw/dt) + 2p(dp/dt) = 0
w(dw/dt) + p(dp/dt) = 0
Now, solve for 'dp/dt' given that dw/dt = -30 ft/s, w = 1 and p = sq.root of 399 by the Pythagorean Theorem:
1(-30) + (sq.root of 399)(dp/dt) = 0
So, dp/dt = 30/(sq.root of 399) or approximately 1.5 ft/s. That means that the plank in George Bush's eye is growing at this rate when the religious right is 1 ft. away from George Bush's vision.
Labels: Bush, religious right, Ted Haggard
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Megachuch Pastor: Haggard in Sexual Morass!
Here we are once again with the focus on the family, set by sanctimonious religious leaders demanding that everyone bend to their vision of godliness, being just a bit off. This time it's mega-monsterchurch, evangelical, refracted pastor Ted Haggard of New Life Church based in Colorado Springs, CO -- the Mecca of American evangels.
Pastor Ted is accused of carrying an affair with a gay prostitute. Classy! The pastor has issued the obligatory statement of denial.
Pastor Ted is accused of carrying an affair with a gay prostitute. Classy! The pastor has issued the obligatory statement of denial.
Labels: Focus On the Family, gays, religious right, Ted Haggard
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Calculate the Growth Rate of George Bush's Eye-plank!
Question -- A telescoping plank that's currently 15 ft. high is buried in George Bush's eye at Ground Zero. It's supported by a 20 ft. brace that's being pushed at its base by the religious right toward Ground Zero at a rate of 30 ft/sec:
How fast is the plank growing when the religious right gets within 1 ft. of Bush's eye?
The first person who answers correctly receives an autographed picture of Abe Linkum via e-mail! Check in at Abe Linkum this Friday to view the key to this problem's exciting answer!
How fast is the plank growing when the religious right gets within 1 ft. of Bush's eye?The first person who answers correctly receives an autographed picture of Abe Linkum via e-mail! Check in at Abe Linkum this Friday to view the key to this problem's exciting answer!
Labels: Bush, religious right
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Gov. Strickland's Chain Gets a 'Pullins'
A fellow Clevelander's weblog, Brewed Fresh Daily, asks the question How Low Are We Gonna Go? This query references the recurrent political tactics of extreme religious righties -- in particular, Ken Blackwell.
Mathematically, an easy expression representing the religious right's depths of Luciferian politick can be easily delivered:
f(t) = -1/t^4, where f(0)= the eve of elections
In other words, infinitely low with one hell of an accelerated path!
The newest poltergeistic paver of Ohio's political highway to hell is some crank named Pullins, a guy who once passed a bar and currently stops at nothing. Basically, Pullins is a bag for the radical religious right, who obviously rectify their end -- monetary, for glory sakes -- with any obscene mean available. Pullins is pulling the religious right's base's chain for the powers that are in order to line up the last malbeliever for election day dues.
They're obviously entitled to such political action, for to be so supremely right, they must be afforded this final and lone titillation as they quickly journey down the loser's road. Trespasses forgiven.
Mathematically, an easy expression representing the religious right's depths of Luciferian politick can be easily delivered:
f(t) = -1/t^4, where f(0)= the eve of elections
In other words, infinitely low with one hell of an accelerated path!
The newest poltergeistic paver of Ohio's political highway to hell is some crank named Pullins, a guy who once passed a bar and currently stops at nothing. Basically, Pullins is a bag for the radical religious right, who obviously rectify their end -- monetary, for glory sakes -- with any obscene mean available. Pullins is pulling the religious right's base's chain for the powers that are in order to line up the last malbeliever for election day dues.
They're obviously entitled to such political action, for to be so supremely right, they must be afforded this final and lone titillation as they quickly journey down the loser's road. Trespasses forgiven.
Labels: Ken Blackwell, religious right, Scott Pullins
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Blackwell's 'Townhall' Ill of Blacks
Ohio's Round Headed round-up continues tonight just south of Cleveland when Ken "I'm Morally Superior to All Except Rod Parsley" Blackwell rides into and whisks out of an Independence, OH steakhouse on the slanted backs of SRN/Townhall.com buddies Dennis Prager and Hugh Hewitt at Townhall.com's Political Roadshow - Day 5. Blackwell will be seen as the only person of color by and at the gathering.
The trio are attempting to effect a juncture with Cuyahoga County's voting victims after the crash-carts have already left the scene somewhere around the I-77/480 cloverleaf. It's the one that's just off the steakhouse; the one that will broom them along shortly after tonight's biblical study in political buffoonery and can supposedly benefit from Blackwell's rebirthing of highway skullduggery.
But nothing to heed, all you fair and somewhat balanced Cuyahogans, for only their choir will attend -- a choir that risks severe diminution for eternal preaching of "our way or the highway". Such punity is now easily evidenced by their tour into other towns' halls -- and the trail of losers left behind.
It's a highwayman's rogues list. Just prior, in PA, Prager and Hewitt left Rick Santorum (R-PA), a future landslide loser and as cranially capped as Cromwell, as road-wound on I-76 just outside of Philly. They didn't even have the guts to turn around and finish him off. Tonight it's Townhall with Cuyahoga Ken and His Statehouse of Gloom with Ken finally coming to terms without any in his terminal political episode.
And so they go. It's said it could soon be Michelle Bachman's turn to overdrive the Townhall.com bus on I-94, up in Minnesota's way. The bus underthrow by the voters will occur faster for it if she takes it.
Townhall's choir's losing their bass -- if they ever had any.
The trio are attempting to effect a juncture with Cuyahoga County's voting victims after the crash-carts have already left the scene somewhere around the I-77/480 cloverleaf. It's the one that's just off the steakhouse; the one that will broom them along shortly after tonight's biblical study in political buffoonery and can supposedly benefit from Blackwell's rebirthing of highway skullduggery.
But nothing to heed, all you fair and somewhat balanced Cuyahogans, for only their choir will attend -- a choir that risks severe diminution for eternal preaching of "our way or the highway". Such punity is now easily evidenced by their tour into other towns' halls -- and the trail of losers left behind.
It's a highwayman's rogues list. Just prior, in PA, Prager and Hewitt left Rick Santorum (R-PA), a future landslide loser and as cranially capped as Cromwell, as road-wound on I-76 just outside of Philly. They didn't even have the guts to turn around and finish him off. Tonight it's Townhall with Cuyahoga Ken and His Statehouse of Gloom with Ken finally coming to terms without any in his terminal political episode.
And so they go. It's said it could soon be Michelle Bachman's turn to overdrive the Townhall.com bus on I-94, up in Minnesota's way. The bus underthrow by the voters will occur faster for it if she takes it.
Townhall's choir's losing their bass -- if they ever had any.
Labels: Ken Blackwell, Ohio politics, religious right, Round Heads, SRN/Townhall.com
