Thursday, January 04, 2007
Frantic Grand Jury Forecloses Tracts of Cleveland Peculators!
via The Plain Dealer
Jury duty has become one of just a few remaining growth industries sprouting from Cleveland's soiled economy now that scores of land sharks have been beached and the value of the city's barrens are left without their only remaining price prop called fraudulent appraisals. Cleveland's situation in one word? Bleak.
Jury duty has become one of just a few remaining growth industries sprouting from Cleveland's soiled economy now that scores of land sharks have been beached and the value of the city's barrens are left without their only remaining price prop called fraudulent appraisals. Cleveland's situation in one word? Bleak.
Labels: brown cuff crime, Cleveland, employment opportunities, growth industries
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Illegal Alien Arrested in Cleveland
Overlooking the lax oversight of our borders and taking matters into their own hands at the local level, Cleveland law enforcement officials have made their first illegal alien arrest -- apparently the first among many to follow.
This new twist in retro-migratory practice was developing as this author entered the local corner store last night to buy a six-pack of preferred IPA. A commotion was already in progess with the subduel of the illegal taking place just seconds before by the muftied, off-duty Sgt. Terry, CPD, who was present buying Lotto before the illegal was recognized.
According to other witnesses at the scene, once identified, the illegal made numerous attempts at escape but was finally cornered and sequestered by the use of styrofoam -- of all things! Fortunately, a camera was present which caught a full profile of the trapped offender:
A gecko! Obviously not one of those Ohio geckos so abundant in this relatively northern clime, but one of Mediterranean origin -- possibly arriving with the shipment of spumante. After further inquiry, it was noted that the little guy pictured above was the third such specimen to illegally enter the store in as many weeks.
In the end, we found that Sgt. Terry's handcuffs proved too large -- allowing the perp to slip to a friend's safehouse.
This new twist in retro-migratory practice was developing as this author entered the local corner store last night to buy a six-pack of preferred IPA. A commotion was already in progess with the subduel of the illegal taking place just seconds before by the muftied, off-duty Sgt. Terry, CPD, who was present buying Lotto before the illegal was recognized.
According to other witnesses at the scene, once identified, the illegal made numerous attempts at escape but was finally cornered and sequestered by the use of styrofoam -- of all things! Fortunately, a camera was present which caught a full profile of the trapped offender:
A gecko! Obviously not one of those Ohio geckos so abundant in this relatively northern clime, but one of Mediterranean origin -- possibly arriving with the shipment of spumante. After further inquiry, it was noted that the little guy pictured above was the third such specimen to illegally enter the store in as many weeks.In the end, we found that Sgt. Terry's handcuffs proved too large -- allowing the perp to slip to a friend's safehouse.
Labels: Cleveland, illegals, law enforcement
Friday, September 29, 2006
Jock Cleveland Kids Ranked 'Gamey'
A rash of topical Staph infections has recently hit the turf and onto select Cleveland area high school athletes in five communities so far. The outbreak apparently has been brought by artificiality of playing field and the general ahygenic natures of Cleveland kids.
Staph, an increasingly antibiotically resistant bacteria due in good part to elite medical institutions like The Cleveland Clinic and characterized by its grape-like appearance while viewed with microscopy, has epidemiological sleuths and local health officials worried about this strain's potential wrath. They are attempting to stave it off by staffing high school locker rooms and principals' offices with information suggesting their kids need to 'hit the showers' more often and adults to clean the playroom by Hoovering its carpet. (A little football humor since both Hoover Vacuum Co. and The Football Hall of Fame reside in Canton, OH. - with most of Hoover moving to Canton, China.)
Meanwhile, tort trial hacks look to capitalize on Staph resistance to spread and serve suits to those same officials in a pro-biotic, pro class-action manner.
More cases are sure to blossom this week as officials attempt to blow the whistle on the festering foe while young sweat-swappers prove their grittiness in the trenches, some fetid, on this and every other fevered gridiron fest that infects Ohioans on fall Friday nights. The gram-positive is that most games are now in conference play which should confine Staph's spread to, say, plus six new teams infected - with no over/under given or state lines to cross.
Abe's Friday Night Pigskin Prediction! "Take the spread since rainy weather could leave fewer teams susceptible to the gram-negative S. epidermidis since it's hydrophobic and would look to flush away from its turf-fed home and into Lake Erie as a filmy residue of sorts."
Staph, an increasingly antibiotically resistant bacteria due in good part to elite medical institutions like The Cleveland Clinic and characterized by its grape-like appearance while viewed with microscopy, has epidemiological sleuths and local health officials worried about this strain's potential wrath. They are attempting to stave it off by staffing high school locker rooms and principals' offices with information suggesting their kids need to 'hit the showers' more often and adults to clean the playroom by Hoovering its carpet. (A little football humor since both Hoover Vacuum Co. and The Football Hall of Fame reside in Canton, OH. - with most of Hoover moving to Canton, China.)
Meanwhile, tort trial hacks look to capitalize on Staph resistance to spread and serve suits to those same officials in a pro-biotic, pro class-action manner.
More cases are sure to blossom this week as officials attempt to blow the whistle on the festering foe while young sweat-swappers prove their grittiness in the trenches, some fetid, on this and every other fevered gridiron fest that infects Ohioans on fall Friday nights. The gram-positive is that most games are now in conference play which should confine Staph's spread to, say, plus six new teams infected - with no over/under given or state lines to cross.
Abe's Friday Night Pigskin Prediction! "Take the spread since rainy weather could leave fewer teams susceptible to the gram-negative S. epidermidis since it's hydrophobic and would look to flush away from its turf-fed home and into Lake Erie as a filmy residue of sorts."
Labels: antibiotics, Cleveland, hygeine, sport
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Libertarian Chickens Get Cleveland Coop
Two rooters for Bill Peirce, Ohio's Libertarian gubernatorial candidate, took time out to make sure their feathers counted during today's "debate" between contenders Ken Blackwell(R) and Ted Strickland(D).In the ensuing flap in front of WEWS-TV 5's studios, the chickens, who apparently represent 1/10 of all Peirce supporters, were deemed poultri, Ah say, pulchritudinous by passing pedestrians and motorists - but obstructions to local authorities.
Labels: Bill Peirce, Cleveland, Ken Blackwell, Ted Strickland
