Saturday, November 04, 2006


Illegal Alien Arrested in Cleveland

Overlooking the lax oversight of our borders and taking matters into their own hands at the local level, Cleveland law enforcement officials have made their first illegal alien arrest -- apparently the first among many to follow.

This new twist in retro-migratory practice was developing as this author entered the local corner store last night to buy a six-pack of preferred IPA. A commotion was already in progess with the subduel of the illegal taking place just seconds before by the muftied, off-duty Sgt. Terry, CPD, who was present buying Lotto before the illegal was recognized.

According to other witnesses at the scene, once identified, the illegal made numerous attempts at escape but was finally cornered and sequestered by the use of styrofoam -- of all things! Fortunately, a camera was present which caught a full profile of the trapped offender:

A gecko! Obviously not one of those Ohio geckos so abundant in this relatively northern clime, but one of Mediterranean origin -- possibly arriving with the shipment of spumante. After further inquiry, it was noted that the little guy pictured above was the third such specimen to illegally enter the store in as many weeks.

In the end, we found that Sgt. Terry's handcuffs proved too large -- allowing the perp to slip to a friend's safehouse.

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