Friday, November 03, 2006
Gilded Ceiling for Gold?
Whitehorse, Yukon -
Gold hit the proverbial gilded ceiling today with a big buy that won't continue. Sluicy Sue of The Yukon Panhandlers Association cried moose tears as she gave her elegy to the soon-to-be burrowing bullion:
Gold hit the proverbial gilded ceiling today with a big buy that won't continue. Sluicy Sue of The Yukon Panhandlers Association cried moose tears as she gave her elegy to the soon-to-be burrowing bullion:
Gilded ceiling that tumbles and crumbles
Now my wallet's packed full of jumbles
Ashes to ashes, falling in time
My gold! My gold!
Co-factor for enzymes!
Now my wallet's packed full of jumbles
Ashes to ashes, falling in time
My gold! My gold!
Co-factor for enzymes!
Wash Day in Whitehorse
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Coastal Agri-brawl Over Condom Concessions!
Napa Valley -An intense agri-brawl is brewing over the burgeoning Kid Condom Flavoring Concession, an after-school social program developed by the NEA -- endorsed by the PTA and FDA.
Everett Duquette of The Maine Maple Tappers Union was quick to point out that "... maple sugars are more versatile than those California grapeskins since we provide a more lasting stickiness and palate for the kids to help with their extracurricular activities. We want our kids sweet -- not like those little tarts in California!"
Labels: humor
The CIA's Soft Target Tango
Bethesda, MD -
In a measured compromise with America's appeasers of islamofascist forces around the world, the CIA, in conjunction with ties developed by tsunamic intercourse, divulged their new pan-sino-pan-american psy-ops initiative - Code Name: Bravo Charlie's Delta!
"Our aim is to immediately start making massive airdrops over any regions experiencing semi-rapid to rapid infiltrations of islamofascists by enfilading such areas with our soon to be released coveys of origami pigeon drones programmed to flit about and perform precision strikes with their own peculiar droppings....", stated Gaspar Freundengeist, CIA Interagency Chief of Cooperative Outreach. "The drones are still in development, but the crisis nature of events gave impetus for our decision to drop. However, it's my understanding the drones have good sensitivity to heads exhibiting distinctive red-and-white checkerboard patterns."
According to Freundengeist, America's flagging wartime spirit also needs to be bolstered, "...especially among our appeasing friends....", as he wafted over a bowl of chowder with this reporter at Willard's. "We're looking to dovetail a propaganda campaign off our recent humanitarian successes that will feature posters of 'Fannie the Folder' hung in all federal facilities. We thought the rank-and-file would enjoy the nostalgic deco look of the poster with its slightly-off pastel feel and the sweaty Fannie habiting rolled-up sleeves."
In a measured compromise with America's appeasers of islamofascist forces around the world, the CIA, in conjunction with ties developed by tsunamic intercourse, divulged their new pan-sino-pan-american psy-ops initiative - Code Name: Bravo Charlie's Delta!
"Our aim is to immediately start making massive airdrops over any regions experiencing semi-rapid to rapid infiltrations of islamofascists by enfilading such areas with our soon to be released coveys of origami pigeon drones programmed to flit about and perform precision strikes with their own peculiar droppings....", stated Gaspar Freundengeist, CIA Interagency Chief of Cooperative Outreach. "The drones are still in development, but the crisis nature of events gave impetus for our decision to drop. However, it's my understanding the drones have good sensitivity to heads exhibiting distinctive red-and-white checkerboard patterns."
According to Freundengeist, America's flagging wartime spirit also needs to be bolstered, "...especially among our appeasing friends....", as he wafted over a bowl of chowder with this reporter at Willard's. "We're looking to dovetail a propaganda campaign off our recent humanitarian successes that will feature posters of 'Fannie the Folder' hung in all federal facilities. We thought the rank-and-file would enjoy the nostalgic deco look of the poster with its slightly-off pastel feel and the sweaty Fannie habiting rolled-up sleeves."
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
A Damn Good Pun
"Damn the torpors! A full team instead!"
~ Admiral Numnutz, of On the Shoals with Adm. Numnutz Serials fame, where next week in a multi-tasking extravaganza, we find the good admiral replacing his portholes after being seen peeing on the poopdeck while proceeding in masking his mizzens after a crappie fish-keeling expedition!
~ Admiral Numnutz, of On the Shoals with Adm. Numnutz Serials fame, where next week in a multi-tasking extravaganza, we find the good admiral replacing his portholes after being seen peeing on the poopdeck while proceeding in masking his mizzens after a crappie fish-keeling expedition!
Labels: humor
