Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Sen. Allen's 'A-Team' Becomes F-Troop

Sen. George Allen must not have learned much as a youth while ogling Redskins cheerleaders on Daddy's sideline because it's obvious he doesn't have the smarts to understand that $4 times $0 doesn't equal $1,250, let alone $1,100,000. Given this and seeing that George can't spell "cyber", either, Sen. Allen automatically grades a zero on pro football's vaunted Wonderlic Test.

A quick primer to Allen's problem with the three "R"s, specially that 'rith-mi-tic one:

'Ritin'. George had trouble one day in a class spelling bee when he digitally air-penned X-y-b-e-r-n-a-u-t instead of C-y-b-e-r-n-a-u-t during recitation, thus quickly eliminating him from the field and foretelling his run-up to and not including '08. His talents eventually led to Xyber stock options, justly compensating his genius and timely services rendered of his "private citizen" capacity. It also led to Allen's inability to understand basic Senate manuals and write reports to fellow Senate ethicists making sure that "any agreements or arrangement of the reporting individual concerning ... deferred compensation plans (including stock option plans) ... be disclosed."

Readin'. See cite on Senate Ethics Manual immediately above.

'Rith-mi-tic. Not only did Sen. Allen receive a big, red "X" for his cyber spell, he didn't get why four zeros don't make anything more. Once again, Allen demonstrated skills way left of a normal line by malevaluating Xybernaut as "worthless", supposedly giving allowance to forget five years worth of reports to Senate ethics impale-, um, empanellers.

Sen. Allen's A-Team also rates an F in 'rith-mi-tic. Stunted skill development is present at Allen's personal F-Troop posting when they try to reconstruct the stocks for Allen by stacking four blocks of fully vested options, each "worthless" and on top of one other, summing to $1,250 and counting shares toward factors of hundreds. Looks pretty flimsy.

F-Troop will never make it to the top of any pyramid scheme. Wonderlic flash cards, anyone?

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